Not-Yet-Married Singles Awareness Day

February 14^th, the day revered yet shunned by so many.  Some call it St. Valentine’s Day, others call it Singles Awareness Day.  Some spend it with their loved one over a candlelight dinner while others spend it on their couches with a bucket of chocolate ice cream.  I usually find myself in the latter of those two groups.

I sit on my couch thumbing for a movie on Netflix, listening to Spotify while catching up on homework, or just half watching a NBA game where a team is winning by 20 points in the fourth quarter.  Anything to entertain me just a bit.  It doesn’t usually feel much like a special day for me.  Maybe the big teddy bears I saw being carried around on campus or a few affectionate couples in the middle of an unpleasant PDA session stood out that day but nothing too special.  I open Facebook after turning the T.V. off as I get ready for bed.  I scroll a little bit to find just a bunch of really cushy Facebook posts about boyfriends, spouses, and the occasionally meme depicting what seems to be the single minority.  I lay down in bed and take a deep breath as I turn the lights off to end the day.

I feel like many young single adults around me are in my same shoes.  People don’t usually post about their single excursions but even in a place like Provo there is still that silent minority of single people hanging out in the shadows, or their own rooms I should say.  I see people, including myself sometimes, turn pessimistic towards Valentine’s Day and love in general.  For some the fear of rejection or awkwardness lead to a state of dating paralysis where they have just given up on putting themselves out on the line.  For others, after numerous dates with no success they become discouraged and take yet another five-month break from dating.  Others slowly lose their drive to get to know others around them as hanging out with ‘the guys’ or being alone looks like a more appealing alternative.

I think it is easy for some of us get on the Single Awareness Day bandwagon and confine ourselves to the couch with a bucket of ice cream for the rest of our lives.  It is easy to sit back, blame the system of dating, the slipping standards of morality in our culture, Tinder, or even the pitfalls of the opposite gender.  I think most people go through these stages but I also believe in something more than this.  I believe that everybody can one day have a loving, long-lasting relationship.

We see these all around us.  Whether it be our parents, grandparents, neighbors, or family friends.  I’m not talking about the type in movies that develop over a road trip.  I’m not talking about the guy you find attractive in your stats class and hope that he’ll sit next to you one day.  I’m talking about ever-lasting love of sacrifice, patience, and understanding that only comes through dedication and hard work over long periods of time.

For some, it seems that love comes easy.  Your attractive roommate with dates every week or the couple that has been best friends since high school.  Others feel like they are unlovable, too picky, or just not cut out for the married life.  I don’t think love just happens or doesn’t happen to us.  I don’t believe that some people are given soul mates and some of us are destined to be lonely all our lives. 

Love is a lot more of a choice than we give it credit for.  It takes a conscience effort to build a long-lasting relationship.  You don’t fall into love, you grow into it.  There are people you will 'crush on' when first meeting them but it still takes time to get to know each other and to be willing to do anything to make your relationship work out.  It isn't so much who you love but how you love.

Sometimes it is easy to lose hope in this dream.  It can feel like we aren’t good enough to achieve it or that we don’t deserve a love like this.  Sometimes it easy to focus on our weaknesses or our faults and get pessimistic about our future.  Sometimes it is easier to accept defeat than to brush off the dust and get out in the game after a tough break-up or letdown.  We sometimes view these as setbacks that put us farther away from our ultimate goal.  I think they are more of stepping stones than stumbling blocks.  Every heartbreak and every letdown is a lesson learned that can be applied as you strive to love others that may come into your life.

I know plenty of people who, like me, haven’t achieved this quite yet.  Whether they are single or in a trying relationship, they can make it too.  For some it might take longer than others but I believe in the end we all can have our own worthwhile relationship.  I haven’t quite experienced it yet but I know I will.  I know that there is a bright future ahead of me and that I will one day find a girl that I can build a loving relationship with.

This happily ever after won’t be perfect.  There is no fade to black once the wedding bells chime and no 'The End' appearing before the end credits start rolling.  Marriage is about devotion and continuing effort.  Any relationship can fall apart if there is no one putting forth the effort to love, support, and build each other up.  That is what the institution of marriage is for.  Both husband and wife committed to do anything in their power for each other from now until forever.  Love isn’t meant to end, not when kids are born, not when wrinkles and old age enter the equation, and not even when this life is over.  Love and marriage are for eternity if we but commit to loving our spouse. 

So, for the guys spending today with their perfect bride or the girls going to Olive Garden with their dreamy boyfriend, work to treat your love like royalty and choose to unselfishly love them no matter the circumstances.  For us guys and girls cuddled on the couch next to our roommates playing games or bemoaning our fate in a chick flick, never lose that hope, never give up.  Continue to live in a way that will prepare you to be the person who can love and who can be loved.  Love takes work, some rejection, and some ups and downs before you get all the rewards but I know it is worth.  I know that anyone can find and be with eternally someone they love that will love them in the same way back, whether on this Valentine’s Day or the next.