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True Repentance

Repentance.  The word seems to have a certain sting to it.  Confessions to a priest, the past deconstructed in a bishop’s office, silent tears shed in despair.  This is what we think of when we hear this word.  Disappointments, fears, regrets, all held in tight to our chests.  We spend our entire lives trying to avoid it.  It is only something, in our minds, that is done by sinners, the unholy, the ungodly, the guilty.  When our own choices bring it upon us we shrink from it, avoid it at all costs.  We shouldn’t have to be going through this, we are the good ones.  I don’t need this right now, I can’t deal with it with all the things going on in my life.

Recently I’ve been thinking about this.  A new year with its new expectations always is followed by its unique disappointments.  Failed goals and deflated determination plague the once hopeful soul.   Winter is always the time that guilt creeps up on me.  Sometimes it is warranted and sometimes it isn’t but the cold settles in just as the reality of the new year manifests itself.  What happened to all the things I was going to change?  Why can’t I bring myself to overcoming those things that pull me down from my goals and from the person that I want to be?

As a Latter-day Saint I have always been taught about repentance as being something joyful.  It sounds so weird to us.  Aren’t we commanded to be perfect?  To not sin, to avoid the very appearance of evil?  How can we look upon the face of God with the pasts each of us have, with the extra baggage of sin and regret we consign ourselves to?  There must be something missing here.

We are taught, even commanded, to repent and not just once in a lifetime.  Daily repentance is necessary for our eternal and day-to-day happiness.  Repentance isn’t just this guilt we feel once we’ve wronged.  It is only a part of it, a great motivator to change and repent if responded to in faith.  In the Book of Mormon, the people of King Benjamin understood this when they “viewed themselves in their own carnal state… and they all cried aloud with one voice, saying… apply the atoning blood of Christ that we may receive forgiveness of our sins” (Mosiah 4:2).  The greatness and mercy of God is the only thing that can turn our immobilizing guilt into humility, into a strong desire and faith to follow God’s word and to utilize the empowerment of Christ’s atonement.  We can look at our weaknesses and then realize that we need God to overcome them.  God let us be weak so that we could turn to Him and rely on his Son’s atoning sacrifice to learn and grow.

What if we lived repentance like the people of King Benjamin?  What if we weren’t afraid to recognize and face our failures, shortcomings, and trials?  What if we felt open to talk and discuss with others what we could do to overcome these obstacles and repent?  Some things should and will remain personal, some experiences, mistakes, and life altering moments need not be shared in our everyday conversations or to acquaintances.  Other things however can be better expressed when spoken aloud.  Some things we might need to share with others to truly come to grasp with.  Satan wants us to be alone and feel like there is nothing we can do change and erase our guilt from the past.  God wants us to learn from others and gain confidence in our interactions with our brothers and sisters who struggle with the same and similar problems that we now face.  The power of the words of the King Benjamin's people is that they cried out in unison.  They cried out united and determined to change.  How would we be influenced if we weren’t alone in our strivings to be better Christlike disciples?  How much more confidence would we have if we resolved to change, to improve, to repent together?

No matter what it is, we should feel comfortable and feel compelled to speak to our Father in Heaven about whatever we need.  Sometimes when we approach God in prayer we unconsciously change faces.  Instead of asking for a change of heart or increased faith, we ask solely for forgiveness like God is holding it back from us.  We try to justify our actions and plead that we will be forgiven with the least amount of work.  "What I’ve done isn’t that bad.  I didn’t mean to do it" we say, placing blame on others and then ask to overcome those obstacles.  What if we accepted responsibility even when talking to God in our closets?  What if we asked not for the minimal path to be relieved of guilt but we ask for the maximum amount of correction, love, and support which will lead us to overcoming our paralyzing doubt, fear, and guilt?  What if we accepted the fact that God will forgive us freely and that we are the ones that are standing in the way of achieving happiness?  It takes initiative on our part to show God we are sincere and will change before He gives us direction on how to do so.

Repentance need not be a silent struggle to live up to our high expectations of ourselves or a never ending cycle of erasing our past alone, like hopelessly running your favorite shirt through the washing machine day after day to take out an irremovable stain.  There is always hope on the horizon, just as sure as the rising sun.  Repentance, change, and becoming the person we want to be is impossible without the Savior’s atoning sacrifice.  Elder Klebingat of the Seventy has said, “no matter what [our] current status, the very moment [we] voluntarily choose honest, joyful, daily repentance by striving to simply do and be [our] very best, the Savior’s Atonement envelops and follows [us]”.  True repentance is for all wanting to be a better and who want to be like Christ.

Repentance is joyful because it isn’t focused on the past or our mistakes but on our future and our potential to change.  Christ bearing our sins makes this change possible.  We don’t have to pay eternally for our sins and mistakes.  We don’t have to keep it to ourselves.  We don’t have to lock ourselves in our rooms so we won’t mess up further.  Instead, daily repentance through Christ’s atonement allows us to try and to fail.  It allows us to grow and become.  Depending on the severity of our sin, we may have to patiently wait, push forward, and act in order to regain our peace of conscience.  But we will if we but push forward, believe in Christ, and live with the assurance that we will always have the chance to turn our mistakes into gains and our weaknesses into strength through Christ.  True repentance is the beginning and not the end.  May we strive to everyday choose to be more like Christ, find hope in daily applying Christ's atonement, and experience the joy of our glorious future.

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