Loving and Understanding LGBTQ+ Latter-day Saints

I originally gave this talk on June 9, 2019 in sacrament meeting of the Provo 42nd Young Single Adult Ward.

After promising to unfold the mystery of the parable of the olive tree to us modern readers, Jacob admits that he fears that he might “get shaken from [his] firmness in the Spirit, and stumble because of [his] over anxiety for [his brethren]” [Jacob 4:18].  I can relate to him as I stand in front of you all today.  When I give a talk, I usually prepare a few notes, a couple of quotes, and follow a loose outline; however, because of the importance and sensitivity of my topic today, I have written my talk out so that I will be able to share my complete thoughts and personal knowledge I have gained over the past several months through prayer and fasting on my chosen topic.

In last year’s November General Conference, Elder Ulisses Soares taught us about how as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we can find greater strength in a diverse body of Saints.  He compared the Church membership to the two largest tributaries to the Amazon River, the Solimoes and Negro Rivers. Despite both rivers having immensely different speeds, temperatures, and chemical compositions, the two rivers merge to become the great Amazon River, the most powerful river in the world.  Elder Soares taught that just like the Solimoes and Negro Rivers combine to become the mighty Amazon, “the children of God come together in the restored Church of Jesus Christ from different social backgrounds, traditions, and cultures, forming this wonderful community of Saints in Christ. Eventually, as we encourage, support, and love each other, we combine to form a mighty force for good in the world”. 

A multiplicity of voices and experiences is essential if the Church will be successful in making a lasting and positive impact across the globe.  The church is strengthened when individuals from various countries, traditions, cultures, viewpoints, genders, socio-economic classes, sexual orientations, and backgrounds participate.  At the same time, participants in the Lord’s kingdom feel the love of the Savior more purely as they are accepted by members of the Lord’s church in unity. Unfortunately, there are many obstacles that some individuals of underprivileged groups are faced with when seeking fellowship with the Saints.  Throughout our church’s history there have been changes made to make church policy and culture more welcoming to such groups. Some examples include the lifting of the priesthood ban on African American men in 1978, this year’s restructuring of the endowment to make the ceremony reflect more egalitarian gender roles, and the recent policy change announced by the First Presidency allowing the children of LGBT parents to be baptized.  None of these past, present, or future changes have or will make an effect if we as members do not actively seek to love and welcome people of differing lifestyles.  My talk focuses on how we as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints may more fully accept and welcome LGBTQ+ members and non-members in our communities and congregations so that they can have full access to the blessings of discipleship.

In a BYU devotional given in November 2017 entitled Questions and Answers, President Ballard responded to the question: What message do you have for LGBT young single adults?  He said, “I want anyone who is a member of the Church who is gay or lesbian to know I believe you have a place in the kingdom and I recognize that sometimes it may be difficult for you to see where you fit in the Lord’s Church, but you do.”  May I, Shawn, also add that our Heavenly Parents love and have a place in their kingdom for not just their gay and lesbian children but also their bisexual, transgender, and queer children. I testify our Heavenly Parents love all their children the same regardless of one’s sexual orientation or identity.

It is important to realize that President Ballard’s statement is not conditional.  He does not say that LGBTQ+ members, inactive members, former members, or non-members are loved only if they live by the standards of the church.  Their decision to have sexual relations outside of a celestial marriage is an individual choice and we are never their judges.  While an individual who chooses to maintain a sexual relationship outside of a monogamous, hetereosexual marriage cannot hold a temple recommend, there is nothing keeping them from worshipping and actively participating in all other church services and activities, from sacrament meeting to Relief Society and Elders Quorum socials.  We include with open arms such individuals and should treat them with love and understanding just as the Savior does. We should also respect the decisions of individuals who do not wish to be a part of our church services or wards.

For many members of the church, this is new territory. Due to a lack of understanding, putting church doctrine above loving others, insensitivity, and even maliciousness, members of the church past and present have many times stood as obstacles to LGBTQ+ members finding their place in the church, seeking guidance and help outside of church and family, and even feeling of our Heavenly Parents’ and the Savior’s love for them.  As members of the Lord’s restored Church, it is crucial that we actively seek to understand and love our LGBTQ+ siblings.

Speaking on this issue, President Ballard further stated that “we need to listen to and understand what our LGBT brothers and sisters are feeling and experiencing. Certainly, we must do better than we have done in the past so that all members feel they have a spiritual home where their brothers and sisters love them and where they have a place to worship and serve the Lord.”

The first step in following President Ballard’s invitation is to listen.  How can we understand our LGBTQ+ siblings if we do not listen to and get to know their stories and experiences?  In the past it has been hard for me as a cisgender, straight, white, male to understand the hurt and pain that members with same sex attraction or gender dysphoria feel in a church that focuses heavily on family and sexual purity.  As I have started to listen to LGBTQ+ experiences, I have come to better understand how many feel out of place and different from other ‘traditional’ members of the church. I’ve heard many question if God loves them or if they even belong.  Many LGBTQ+ members of the church suffer from depression and have not been able to get the professional help they need to healthily process their emotions. Some tragically die from suicide. The more I listen to LGBTQ+ experiences, the more I come to understand and be supportive, even though I might not be able to fully comprehend their pain and struggle.

The church has created a website called mormonandgay.org to help church members hear these stories.  There are plenty of videos and articles from LGBTQ+ members and their families, opening up and sharing their stories on this church site.  Recently, there also have been many LGBTQ+ members and students here at BYU that have started to share their stories as well. At a stake-wide Family Home Evening earlier this February, a masters student here at BYU shared with our stake his story of trying to reconcile his same-sex attraction with his faith in Jesus Christ.  For me, listening to the stories of LGBTQ+ members and non-members alike has increased my love for them and allowed me to be aware of their struggles and challenges as they interact with God and the church. There is much we can learn from their stories and experiences.

When we take the time to listen to LGBTQ+ stories in our church and local communities, we will naturally want to be more loving, respectful, and understanding.  As we see that our LGBTQ+ siblings have the same dreams, hopes, and many common beliefs as us, our differences will give way to our many similarities. We will see past stereotypes, biases, and our own preconceived notions and see LGBTQ+ as members of our eternal family.  We can become an active participant in welcoming our LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters in our congregations. Just as we prefer to not be called Mormon, we can refer to our LGBTQ+ siblings by their desired titles and names and refrain from using offensive gay slurs in our everyday speech.

Unfortunately, some members of the church view support for LGBTQ+ individuals (or merely listening to their stories) as the encouragement of sin.  We do not need to change our own lifestyle or personal standards of sexuality to love and understand our LGBTQ+ siblings just as we do not denounce the Word of Wisdom if we are a designated driver.  Satan wants us to view others as our enemies or even just as different then us. He would have us be divided. God wants us to view each other as brothers and sisters and to treat each other as such.  Just as the Solimoes and Negro Rivers put aside their differences to become the united Amazon River, we can embrace our LGBTQ+ siblings to collectively push forth the knowledge of our Heavenly Parents’ and Christ’s unconditional and infinite love for them and the rest of the world.

Consider Jesus’ commandment to us all, “love one another as I have loved you.  By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another” [John 13:34-35].  There is no footnote to this commandment that allows us to hate, demean, or to treat differently others who have different beliefs or lifestyles than us.  If we do not love our LGBTQ+ siblings like we love our fellow members, how will the world know that we are Christ’s disciples?

Nephi puts it this way: “[The Lord] inviteth them all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; and he remembereth the heathen; and all are alike unto God, both Jew and Gentile” [2 Nephi 26:33].  If the Lord is inviting all to partake of His love, we should not be the ones to turn away others because they have a different sexual orientation or sexual identity then us.  Elder Quentin L. Cook reinforces this: “As a church nobody should be more loving and compassionate. Let us be at the forefront in…expressing love, compassion and outreach. Let’s not have families exclude or be disrespectful of those who choose a different lifestyle”.

I know it is not easy to be open to changing and expanding our ideas and beliefs on LGBTQ+ topics.  It has been an ongoing journey of many months and years for me to step outside of my comfort zone and to open my mind and heart to hear the experiences of my LGBTQ+ peers. I have often prayed many times to better understand my LGBTQ+ siblings and to feel of God’s love for them.  It will require a lot of faith but I know that there is much to learn and much for us as a church to improve on in our understanding and treatment of our LGBTQ+ siblings. I invite each of us to start today to follow President Ballard’s invitation to learn and understand our LGBTQ+ siblings and to follow Christ’s command to love one another.  Listen to their stories, spend some time today on the church’s mormonandgay website if you need a place to start. I testify that God loves all of His children. As I have sought to understand and learn from our LGBTQ+ siblings, I have come to the Spirit testifying of the Savior’s love for them and for me as well. I pray that we may all make the church a welcoming place for people of all backgrounds and lifestyles to feel the love of the Savior.  I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

POST SCRIPT: After giving this talk in sacrament meeting, I was presently surprised by the support I recieved from members in my ward.  I had about a dozen people reach out to me individually through text or in-person thanking me for my talk over the past couple of weeks. I was really nervous about the reaction my talk would receive but I am now hopeful for the future in regards to how LGBTQ+ members are treated in the church because of my message’s warm reaction.  We have a long way to go in order to make our services and activities of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints a welcoming environment for our LGBTQ+ siblings but I invite everyone reading to make a conscious effort to listen to LGBTQ+ stories and to reach out to the LGBTQ+ community in love and support.  Here are some links to stories, experiences, and resources I suggest looking at to start:

https://mormonandgay.churchofjesuschrist.org/: An official church website dedicated to help members better understand their LGBTQ+ siblings.

https://gaysandmormons.org/videos-articles-resources/: A website run by members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for LGBTQ+ members and their family members.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MxCXjfAunk: A TED talk given by John Dehlin who explains what it means to be both Mormon and an LGBTQ+ ally.

https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jssr.12181: A scientific study done by BYU and Utah State showing the experiences of GBTQ Mormon men.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLjDgnGDV3g: A short documentary detailing the life of a transgender member.

https://kutv.com/news/local/exclusive-full-interview-with-byu-valedictorian-who-came-out-gay-during-graduation-speech: An interview of Matt Easton, a BYU valedictorain who, after coming out during his graduation speech, has become a voice in the Mormon LGBTQ+ community.

https://www.deseretnews.com/article/900026309/35000-fill-lovelouds-second-annual-festival-to-support-lgbt-youth.html : The Love Loud Fest is an annual concert held in Utah that seeks to raise support for LGBTQ+ youth. The Church has supported the event in the past.